i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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