...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
