I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
