dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
