My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
