So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
