My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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