Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
