I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
