i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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