Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
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