I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize