hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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