Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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