ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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