All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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