I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I'm just crazy horny about you
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Randomize
