Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
