dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
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