Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
