Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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