Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
