Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
