I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
