How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
