Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
