I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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