God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
So much rum. So many feels.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
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