I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
