We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
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