here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
