Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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