Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize