Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize