Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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