I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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