i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Congratulations! We have a period
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
