I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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