hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
