Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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