My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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