Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
