The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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