um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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