i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I think my vagina is haunted
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
