The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
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