Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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