Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
