So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
