You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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