Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Randomize
