"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
