oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
