6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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