Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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