Can i not drive my cunt home
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
You have to summon your inner elephant
We were destined to go to rehab together
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Randomize
