Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
