Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
