She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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