My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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