I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Found your dick twin last night
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Randomize
