East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
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