my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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