Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
