Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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