we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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