Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
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