the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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