I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Little spoons don't ask big questions
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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