Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
