9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
