His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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