So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
