The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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