That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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