My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
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