you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
