I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize