the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
