At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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