your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
