i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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