she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
