does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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